pollution, more traffic accidents and more energy consumption. They drink up huge amounts of fuel and throw out huge amounts of pollutants. Traffic accidents kill thousands and thousands of people each year and cripple more. Jams waste our precious time. Therefore I am against developing private cars.
雅思作文修改范例
With the development of society, many public facilities play an increasingly important role in some aspects.(开头过于简单,应再写几句,表达观点不够明确。with the development of society用的很多,最好不用,尤其不能用在开头,以免评卷官反感)
First of all, they enrich people’s cultural lives. To begin with, they provide ideal places for people to relax themselves. These days, people’s pressures are more and more heavy. But if you can spare a little time to go to parks or theaters, it will relieve your tension from hard-working days. Secondly, they also play an educational role on people. For example, textbooks are quite dull to students, but museums always can attract them easily. They can learn much knowledge which not only has been written on books but also have not been mentioned on textbooks.(用了not only but also句型,但意思有些牵强,有些别扭) They widen people’s horizon and enlarge people’s scope of knowledge.
In addition, they are helpful to the research of science. Firstly, they are ideal places to collect and sort information. For instance, there are all kinds of museums, such as history museums, military museums, natural museums and so on, many new discoveries will be placed in these places.(逗号连接两个句子,错误。应该改为句号或者加一连词,如and) Besides, they are also helpful for scientists to look for information. Many museums and libraries just act this role. It can save much time of research. Finally, they also provide a stage for different nations to communicate their own culture and science with each other. For example, you(代词应一致,应为they) can appreciate different cultures in the theaters.
Last but not least, they make huge contribution to the construction of countries. To start with, they are the symbols of one country’s civilization. They are the products of society’s development. Secondly, they are very good references which build our own country. For instance, museums are mirrors which can reflect the whole society and history. They can guide our country to attain the success and avoid mistakes. What is more, they can make our cities more beautiful. I think most people like to live in the cities which have many parks.
(三个理由段全部用they 指代public facilities太呆板,而且有时感觉指代不清,应该有些变化,有的时候可用名词)
However, most of these public facilities are facing more or less funding problems. How to resolve this problem(前后一致,应为these problems) is quite urgent. As for me, I have several suggestions. Firstly, they must depend on themselves. They should take some measures to attract more visitors and investment. They can do some advertisements, try their best to improve their equipments and bring visitors a comfortable environment. They also should cooperate with some enterprises and get support of finance(应为financial support). Secondly, government(government是可数名词,应改为the government或governments) should provide an ideal atmosphere for them to grow. Government (同上)should invest more money on(改为in) these public facilities and encourage people to visit these places.
评分:5-6
评语:
审题:很好地完成了题目的要求
结构:总体较好,开头段过短。
语言:大的语法错误没有,能写一些复杂句子,有的句子中式英语严重,显得别扭。
思路:尚可,优点是举了一些合适的例子,缺点是思路过于一般。
从总体看,还可以,但要稳获6分,还要多读多背多练。 |